The Wooden Crank

Awarded to the D.A. member who has done the daftest thing during the year.

Crank 1
Crank 2

The wooden crank was conceived by Harold Coleman.  It would appear to be more useful than a chocolate crank, but, regarded solely as a bicycle crank, it is in fact equally useless.  In other respects it is more useless, because you would be well advised not to eat it.

Harold realised his vision in his well equipped workshop, as a 2× replica of a Campagnolo Super Record crank.

Past Winners

1981 Les Moss Was this the reason?:  CONSTERNATION IN EAST CLANDON - windows and doors were thrown open, people spilled out on to the street, and the church emptied as those attending Harvest Festival hurried outside! WHY?  Inoffensive D.A. member Les Moss had his back tyre burst with such a loud report that the alarmed villagers thought that there had been a shooting!  (Newsletter No. 24)
1982 Keith Parfitt Was this the reason?:  Keith rang Les Moss and said, "Hello, Keith, this is Les".

Or was it this?:  The D.A. organised a sponsored ride in aid of White Lodge Centre (for spastic children;  where D.A. member Gill Smith worked).  Keith was leading, and confirmed his navigational expertise by turning the wrong way as we set off out through the gates of the Centre.

1983 Ken Bolingbroke Turned up a week late for the Annual Dinner.
1984 Hamish Smith Drove his car into the garage with the bikes still on the roof.
1985 Clive Richardson Clive drove back from a cycling week-end in Shropshire leaving a wheel, mudguards, etc. at the Youth Hostel.  ("The West Surrey Cyclist" - Winter 1985/6)
1986 Chris Greening For leading a weekend tour along a Dorset cycle route which took them to a lane containing at least 100 yards of farmyard manure between impenetrable hedges, leaving with them with no alternative to wading through.  Most took their shoes and socks off, but David Pinkess, producing two plastic bags and rubber bands, carried Helen Gill and her bike across the morass, which Chris says was the start of their romance that led to their marriage.
1987 Paul Holmes On 11th October Paul was leading the General Section (now the Sunday Riders) and made a mistake over the time so that they arrived at Oakhanger too late for the Hill Climb.  Everyone had gone to the Red Lion for lunch!  The timekeeper could not be persuaded to leave his pint and time all the leading contenders (there was no age handicap then) up the hill.  The 1987 Annual Report says "At 12 o'clock on the Hill climb day only 2 people had turned up and at 12.30 the event was cancelled as 6 people are required to make up an event."
1988 Marguerite Statham
and Bill Inder
For turning up at the clubroom for a slide show one week early.  ("The West Surrey Cyclist" - Winter 1988)
1989-90 - Not awarded
1991 Roger Philo,
Phil Hamilton and
Geoff Taylor
Rory Fenner broke both his brake cables, and Roger, Phil and Geoff stopped to help.  Each thought one of the others had removed the bits of the old cables, so they could not understand why they were having such difficulty inserting the new ones.
1992-93 - Not awarded
1994 Chris Avery The first D.A. rider to use clipless pedals, Chris couldn't get free and fell over into mud.
1995 Ian Callaghan Fell off three times during one ride.  This occurred during the 75-mile reliability ride in the narrow, twisty lanes, all gravel and potholes, to the north of Chithurst, Iping and Stedham.  He was using new clipless pedals!
1996 Peter Callaghan Pulled off his bike by a rope hanging from a tree while riding the "Rough Stuff" event.  A loop on the end of the rope caught his handlebar end extension, the bike swung up and Peter went down.
1997 Ken Bolingbroke See "The Unmasking of 'Fingers' Bolingbroke".
1998 John Pugh Got his shoes, socks and feet swamped by the sea on the Isle of Wight.  ("The West Surrey Cyclist" - January - March 1999)
1999 Harold Coleman Took the Midweek Wayfarers on to the motorway in Portsmouth.  ("The West Surrey Cyclist" - October - December 1999)
2000 Bill Wellings Left the warm south for the rigours of the Wirral peninsula.
2001 Keith Chesterton For achieving the plural feat of breaking both elbows in a cycling accident.  ("The West Surrey Cyclist" - January - March 2002)
2002 John Ostrom For falling into the canal.  See "The West Surrey Cyclist" - January - March 2003 and "The West Surrey Cyclist" - October - December 2003.
2003 Geoff Smith ("Sen") For claiming to be British when discovered by officials in Switzerland taking a 'skinny dip'.  See "The West Surrey Cyclist" - January - March 2004.
2004 Alan Holbrook For failing to complete the 50-mile reliability ride because of a navigational error only a mile or two from the finish.
2005 Don Jones For losing his rear bag.  See "The West Surrey Cyclist" - January - March 2006.
2006 - Not awarded
2007 Rico Signore For riding into a concrete post on a cycle path while reading a map.
2008 Geoff Smith ("Sen") For riding into a lamp-post in the centre of a deserted, 30ft-wide, smooth-surfaced cycleway.
2009 - Not awarded
2010 Barry Rolfe For coming out on a club ride wearing his cycling shorts inside out.
2011 Richard Ellis "For his novel approach to combining the sports of swimming and cycling."
2012 Don Jones For leading a Sunday ride into a retirement home near Fontwell.
2013 - Not awarded
 

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